a lot. I found that once I reached 30 I started becoming the person I wanted to be as a kid 🤘
Yup! I hated being a kid and a young adult. You have to work so hard in school and at work to prove yourself and still nobody takes you seriously or treats you with real respect. You burn yourself out taking on too much, and you never have enough time or energy left over to do the things you want to do.
But I really like where I am now. I’m retired, physically fit, have time to cook healthy meals from scratch, and I can pursue my interests and hobbies. People take me seriously and respect my choices (for the most part anyway). I’m not nuts about aging and the hormonal changes that go along with it, but medication, skincare, healthy eating, and exercise are helping.
Yep I could never fathom why people said it was the best years of your life! People don’t respect you or take you seriously, and you can easily get burnt out.
I’m right there with you about ageing. I’ve only just wrapped my head round the idea that I’m not young, and now things are breaking!
I’d love to say “yes”, but the reality is more complicated than that.
Especially after coming out, years ago at this point, I’ve lost, gained, and again lost social circles.
Intermittent support from my mom, becoming mostly estranged from my dad, dealing with addiction, and misdiagnosed mental illness; it has been rough these past few years. There are of course small victories and positives, but spiraling down over things that may not even be real, and a couple of relapses, I have now put myself in a difficult financial situation. That has caused so much stress and strife in my life.
On top of this, we are dealing with increased hostility just for existing, socially and politically. We have become the scapegoat; the cause of society’s ills. It has really gotten to me, to the point where I am constantly on the defensive when I catch a whiff of bigotry or micro-aggression.
The sum of all of the parts is certainly greater than the whole.
It feels like I cannot get ahead—the feeling that I struggle to keep my head above water most of the time. Is it real or just perceived? I seriously cannot tell. In my mind’s eye, it does not matter. The way I experience it is still the same.
This reeks of “poor me”. I’m not sure how to describe it in any other way. I don’t need the support of others, nor their pity. It’s a path I feel I have to walk alone. I’m still trying to square that. It is so very difficult.
The silver lining is that I have my son, and he is more than enough for me. Him inching closer and closer to becoming a man makes me proud to be his parent each and every day.
Has life improved as I’ve grown older? I’m not sure.
I hear you there! You don’t sound poor me at all, you sound like someone who has had a lot of shit to deal with. Its important to acknowledge that cos bottling up is bad.
When we come out, we lose people but gain others. It’s an emotional time with a lot of upheaval and our people always change it just depends how much. You’ve lost key people with your mom and dad, they’re not distant friends their parents. That’s huge.
Obviously we can’t go into politics, but I agree your very existence is under threat. I’m queer and I feel at risk because I know the things they say about you are what they used to say about us. They won’t stop, and it’s terrifying.
Living treading water is hard, and I’m not remotely surprised you’ve had MH issues. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t react to this shit. I’m impressed you can see the positives in your son, and your strength will do great things for him.
Have you found our twin community !dadforaminute@lemmy.world They’re great for when you need parental advice or hugs. My parents aren’t around so I’m there a fair bit
Thank you for the kind words. I’ll def check out that community 🙂
For me I’d say definitely yes. I’m far more emotionally together than I used to be, I spent up to 25 in constant emotional pain. My MH is waaayyy better than it used to be.
I also have more money. Years have working have got my wages and savings up, and I’ve got big item furniture etc meaning I’ve got more possessions.
On the negative… health isn’t what it used to be and I don’t bounce back from health issues. Body is starting to creak and show wear and tear. That’s gonna get worse!
Physically, no. I mean, I was a fat, unathletic child prone to infections. I was briefly a fat, semi-atheletic adult prone to infections. I am now a fat, unathletic adult who no longer gets infections but has chronic pain and fatigue.
Mentally, yes. In spite of the fact that I didn’t really experience depression until adulthood, I wouldn’t trade my legal autonomy for childhood under my circumstances. I always wanted to be grown. I no longer have to put up with peoples’ bs and that is worth so so much.
In some ways yes, in some ways no.
Those who allegedly concieved this body and the sibling one of us has have gotten worse the more we have grown.
We have gone through much trauma, especially related to being neglected or abandoned and have had our desire and ability to do anything resembling a job become less and less over time due to this. We are still trying things to make money but it doesn’t look good and without certain types of support we would be having no money coming in.
We struggle against the system as it continues to take any alleged rights we had and just wish to be with those who truly care about us and we truly care about too.
We feel we missed out on a lot of the ‘positive’ experiences of childhood, both because we were trans and because of all the abuse we experienced. It was a very confusing time.
Now we slowly and carefully gain back our childhood by being who we want, acting ‘childish’ with those we care about and protect the right of children who are actually small and young to have that right without ‘adults’ being terrible to them.
Basically no, but it comes down to the systems and societies we find ourselves in. The only thing we can honestly say has gotten better is we understand ourselves better and have found people who actually know how to love and are treating ourselves with consent. The rest though, no, and we wish every day for all these traumatising, unhelpful and ridiculous systems and people to collapse or go away and be replaced with something better.
