Yesterday

This one is one of my favorites

Latkes

Xtra smol plz

My bröther in beans, you’re gonna give yourself a hemorrhoid if you sit on the bowl too long.

A new eyeshadow palette, highlighter, and two lip products. Here’s a photo from the brand’s promotional materials because I haven’t received the shipment yet:

Oh man I’d love to but I’m on a strict no-buy for teapots. How about we go halfsies on a gallon of tapioca?

Please do go ahead and split the republican vote you fucking trash GOP sycophant.

It’s a rare fruit punch mouth shark.

Has your university not bothered to replace the old shitty models with the newer, actually effective models? I always think the Dyson AirBlade works really well.

Sorry, red foods are satanic. How about shopping for pet squirrels?

Nah, my house already has windows. How about sushi?

You just try not singing along to Cher’s Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.

'Cause I’m not planning on going solo

She made a comment once to the effect that no woman should have hair below the eyebrows. I’m sure she’s probably had all of her body hair lasered off.

Very cute leopard spots vibe! You might want to consider using something like this around your edges while they’re still wet to get a cleaner line.

No way, a psychic told me a mountain would kill me one day. Would you be interested in going for a stroll on the train tracks instead?

No thanks, I’ve given clothes up for Lent. How about shopping for spare tires instead?

Way ahead of ya friend.

I have a well and a reverse osmosis system, and the water is amazing. I’ve never had water that tastes so good.