Every account you ever had, every post/comment you ever posted, now has your real name, a photo of you, and your address, all just magically show up on the webpage right next to each of your posts/comments (also, no “hacking” could hide the info). All deleted posts/comments are magically restored and nothing you do (short of permanently shutting down the website and physical destruction of the servers) can delete them. (Any edits would still show every change you made.) How fucked are you?
And don’t think about changing your name, or moving, all this info updates in real time. (for “magic” reason)
(You also cannot delete any future posts.)
I spoiled a part of Infinity War back in the day, and I’d expect a 305 lb katana wielding fedora wearer to appear out of the shadows at my door. Those dudes were pissed and drunk me didn’t even know I did it until the mod that banned me for a month pointed it out.
You could take permanent sanctuary in a health food store or a gym.
Yeah, but then I’ll be in a health food store or a gym.