All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

That whole bit. http://montypython.50webs.com/scripts/Life_of_Brian/10.htm

Ni!

Can we have your liver?

I wanted to help people… so i became a waiter.

It’s just a wafer thin mint.

Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm gets waisted, god gets quite irate.

But I can’t read!

But i just paid! No you didn’t.

• edited for excessively fat fingers…

“I told him we already got one.”

[ Soldiers snicker ]

“Tis but a scratch.”

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.

Help, help, I’m being repressed!

No thanks, we’ve already got one.

Lucky I didn’t tell him about the dirty knife.

This bloke won’t ’aggle!

So many great ones to choose from, I’ll just go with the first couple that pop into my head:

“Go on, be crucified, see if i care.”

“Let’s not go to Camelot, tis a silly place.”

“How shall we fuck off, o Lord?”

“There is NOOOOOOO rule six!” from the Philosophy Dept. of the University of Wallamaloo sketch

or

“You husband has succumbed to a condition that we in the medical community refer to as ‘Hooping Cough’.” from the self-narrarion sketch

or

“Aah! I will not buy this tobacconist, eet is scratched!” from the Hungarian phrasebook sketch

“Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I’m a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood’s gone.”

I’ve told you once.

Very small rocks!