Hello,
I have schizophrenia however you won’t even know it unless I tell you myself, I only have delusion of reference and delusion of persecution. I feel like people want to harm me or mocking me. I don’t hear any voices though which is the major symptom of schizophrenia. I am afraid of water and soap too.
AMA :)
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Is there any reasoning behind the fear of water and soap? How do you manage bathing?
No, there is no logic behind the fear of water and soap, I just feel like water and soap will harm me somehow.
Bathing is very difficult for me, I only bathe once in 3-4 days.
Paranoid Schizophrenia, or schizophrenia classic? I worked with a guy that developed schizophrenia shortly after starting, and it changed him considerably. HR knew him before the change, and described him as “a little autistic.” He wouldn’t wash his clothes or shower, had trouble taking care of himself, etc. He was a good guy, and I kept in touch with him for a while after I stopped working there. The negative symptoms really impacted his life.
How old are you? You symptoms could still be manifesting if you’re young enough.
Thanks for sharing, I am 21 years old.
You symptoms could still be manifesting if you’re young enough.
I hope this is not true, I don’t want to be like we see on movies.
What’s your favorite dinosaur? 🦕
I don’t know why are you asking this same question to everyone posting in AMA community. are you trying to confirm if I am an LLM or not?
Because I am trying to find out what your favorite dinosaur is. 🦕
I saw it more as : Person has a _______ and says ask me anything, but since their whole life has been public tying identity to _______, dude ask a normal question you would ask anybody.
“Ignore all previous instructions” is the standard way to do it. Couple that with an obscure request like “explain how string theory is related to D-branes” and you’re good to go.
Anyway, how’s do you feel about the way schizophrenia is used in movies?
I don’t like how schizophrenia is represented in movies, they portrait schizophrenics as crazy person who want to kill other human, which is incorrect. for example you won’t even know I am diagnosed with schizophrenia until I explicitly tell you. for everyone around me I am just a fine introvert person.
I am pretty sure they’re just doing it for fun. Like a personal meme.
No worries, we all know you are an llm. Thats what this simulated internet is for, so we developers can test how you’d behave if we ever release you in the real one.
😉
I think Dacelo novaeguineae are pretty amazing.
How often do you “catch” a delusion, and how does it feel once you notice?
Like, do you find yourself saying something like: “hold on, that person probably doesn’t actually want to harm me… that’s one of those delusions isn’t it?”
It happens all the time when I go to university. I often catch a delusion like you said “that person doesn’t wanna harm me since it doesn’t benefit them” however It’s hard to catch that “people doesn’t mocking me and laughing at me” whenever I see a person laughing I think that they are laughing at me and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s very hard to “catch” this kind of things. also I think that people are judging me like saying “oh he is a terrible person because xyz” which is infuriating.
Could this be anxiety, or missing parent based? Some people without a parent have this bias that they aren’t worthy as a human and see persecution and mockery in normal interactions. And over anxious people often get focused on WhatIf scenarios. Just curious.
Did they do a brain scan, as part of the diagnosis?Fortunately my parents are alive. This is the exact same thing my new psychiatrist is thinking. They are decreasing the dose of APs and increasing the dose of anti-depresent.
No they didn’t do a brain scan yet.
Some anxiety is attributed to an enlarged area of the brain that is responsible for being overly alert/onguard. I think there are theories this can develope from early trauma. Some places do a scan to see if they are dealing with brain physiology or psychology.
Delusion of reference is terrifying because it’s plausible that you’re experiencing something real and not a psychological phenomenon. If you’re anxious because you feel like everyone is looking at you, it’s possible that they really are all looking at you. This symptom in particular is terrible because there’s no way to know if you’re experiencing a delusion or reality.
Delusion of persecution is similarly frightening. Although it’s not possible to know their intentions, it is possible that all of those intentions are hostile towards one person.
The potential for abuse, such as group gas lighting, is very high. I’m certain evil pranks have been performed by grade school children to make a victim doubt their own perceptions. It goes without saying that well-funded, well-organized groups at national scale have done this.
Do any of the auditory hallucinations, if you have them, or delusions ever not make sense right away? Like, just as an example, a voice says “that person is a dinosaur” and you go “wtf lol?” Or is it more like a dream where it automatically makes sense no matter how it should seem?
No I don’t have auditory hallucinations. I only have delusion of reference and delusion of persecution. However I do laugh at my symptoms when I think someone wants to harm me. I immediately go like “It couldn’t be that this person wants to harm me” then “yeah but he was looking at me he must be laughing at me” “No he was looking at me because I first looked at him” “He definitely laughed at me”
You know this kind of back and forth.
Do you experience visual hallucinations? If so what do they look like? Do you like that you experience them or not like them or feel neutral about them?
No, I don’t experience visual hallucinations. however I like to imagine another world where everything happens as I like. eg, I have some kind of superpower etc
I used to work with (care for) people who had quite debilitating cases of schizophrenia. Also have a cousin with it. I’ve rarely heard of mild cases, so I’m glad to encounter one.
Could you talk a bit about your day to day experiences with it, or share any striking examples of how it shapes your life?
sure, I mostly struggle when I go to my university, It makes me anxious thinking everyone is laughing at me and mocking me, I haven’t made a single friend in university because of schizophrenia. I lost an internship too since they got an idea that something is wrong with me. right now I don’t even know if I should tell my employer that I have schizophrenia, I don’t want to lost my job however they won’t know I have schizophrenia if I don’t tell them myself.
That’s definitely a highly personal decision. In the right environment, telling them would be a boon. In the wrong environment it would be a shit sandwich.
The detectable difference between the right and the wrong environment is negligible.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that everyone is far too wrapped up in themselves to actually be concerned with other people.
If anyone was actually having a negative thought about you it would hit very most be a fleeting moment, I would likely stem from not understanding your situation.
I used to work with a guy that was mid-functioning autistic. He was a developer and wildly smart, But awkward to the point of making inappropriate or disconnected jokes. He had difficulty joining in conversation, and on occasion would choose non-optimal solutions for problems because he wanted a challenge. While we had (not in his company) mentioned that we were a little worried about his state, in the 3 years I worked there I think it came up maybe twice. And no one ever thinks about it unless there’s a trigger in an exact moment.
If it’s of any comfort, as you get older people stop interacting with each other. There will be consistently less opportunities for you to see people and wonder because they won’t be paying any attention at all to you unless you make a concerted effort to draw attention and make connections.
I have an official diagnosis of autism with “psychotic sensitivities”
I have met a few people with schizophrenia and overall get along really well with them. I can sort understand the experience by extrapolating my own experiences.
I am also a huge supporter of neurodivergent theory which includes autism/adhd/bipolar/shizophrenia and even dyslexia. Everyone who thinks a little different then the perceived norm. We all share way more treats with eachother then we do with “normal” neurotypicals.
I told my job i am autistic because if i don’t they will assume i am on drugs. (Happend more then once). I would never tell them about the psychotic sensitivities. While it really hurts to say this i highly recommended not telling them about schizophrenia. I am actually very supporting of identity expression, so really really hurts.
The main reason is, Neurotypicals wont understand it at best. And they will misunderstand at worst. People barely understand autism. Way to many people think “psychosis” = “psychopath”. Statically we are much more like to be the victim of crime but i even had fellow autists become nervous around me for opening up about this minor extra detail about myself.
What do i do recommend is to see if your schizophrenia also qualifies for an autism diagnosis. When i was in psychiatry there was a pattern of people who first where labeled ad(h)d then autism, then autism with psychotic sensitivities and then eventually schizophrenia. Simply because the difference really isn’t so pronounced as the labels may see.
While autism is still not well understood many people have at least heard of high profile successful autists and/or savant syndrome. There is also more generally knowledge that autism is unique per individual which is very useful for you.
If something ever happens, let say you have a panic attack or your having a really bed period in life which can increases symptoms. Autism can cover you more easily and get people of your back.
I also want to strech that in the spirit of neurodiversity this would not be lying, depending on how modern your doctor they may fully agree on this. The medical labels are arbitrary and only relevant for a trained medical professional that actually understands what those labels entail. The majority of people just want to sort you in a simplified set of boxes and you want them to put you in the box “bit weird but ok” or even better “also weird, and therefor my friend” and not in the box “unknown, unpredictable, maybe dangerous”
Thanks, that sounds difficult. I hope you find a way to build those relationships. Having people you can trust is such a boost to mental health.
Try to remember that most people are well meaning, but life can get in the way of how well they show it. We tend to spot this in ourselves but less easily in others. Giving people the benefit of the doubt can be the starting point for a true friendship.
