I have a trauma-based personality disorder, which sometimes manifests itself in episodes of often uncontrollable bouts of verbal violence. I prefer to direct this to people on the internet (as opposed to actual people), as I don’t wish to be violent towards people I actually care about.

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Joined 19 days ago
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Cake day: November 15th, 2024

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  • final edit: I wrote some words here, quite a lot of them actually, accusing you of many things. Now that I’ve slept and am calm(er at least) I realize I am in the wrong here. If you got to read my message, I apologize for the words. Violence should never be the answer, because it breeds more violence most likely towards the innocents. That is the difference between this place and Hell, because in Hell there are no innocents. In any case, for what it’s worth: I am sorry for going rabid, and striving only to insult you while projecting some of my own insecurities on you. I don’t even know you.







  • feels like saying “I know that already, why’d you even mention it”.

    Yeah, it can sound like that. But then again, I live in a tiny, sad excuse for a city in rural Finland, and in my small circles I’m known for dressing “up” or just dressing well. I have a certain sense of style, and I know what clothes fit me and look good on me. It’s actually something I’ve worked on for a long time, and I’m quite proud of my ability to do so. So it ties to that, see? What I was trying to bring across was maybe that one shouldn’t be ashamed of things one has achieved, but the context was obviously lacking.



  • Oh yeah, I do that too! I’ve been doing it as a conscious effort towards a positive self-talk, like when people tell me I look good or something I reply “I know, thanks” instead of the usual knee-jerk reaction of completely disregarding them and possibly even denying it verbally, for about three-four years now, essentially as a “fake it till you make it” kind of an attitude towards self-confidence. And I too have been struggling with this, the thought of “am I being narcissistic?” when I dare feel anything but burning hatred towards myself and my own well-being. Herein lies a distinction, the important difference between 1) having narcissistic traits (which, like it or not, everyone - including you, because you aren’t that special to be completely devoid of them - has) and 2) having these traits in so much of an excess that it could and would be diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder (which is rare, like 1% of population can be diagnosed).

    I trust the sentiment that /u/Clent (btw does Lemmy work like this?) below said, that “No narcissist has ever asked themselves if they are being narcissistic”. People who suffer from this personality disorder don’t work like that. Also judging by what you bring forward here I really wouldn’t worry about it; usually people who call other people “narcissistic” when said person is acting “selfishly” (with a stark contrast to the complete anti-self acting previously exhibited) don’t know what they are talking about.

    But of course it is good to look in a mirror every once and a while, especially regarding how you act towards other people. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is in the same cluster of personality disorders as narcissistic and also anti-social personality disorders, and I can recognize in myself the tendency to act without judgement towards my own actions. Beforehand, that is, hindsight is always 20/20 though. But usually these actions tell me that I am in dire distress, and need help urgently. Your mileage may vary.