I posted this and then ran away (or rather, rolled over and played dead possum), but I’m back and not dead yay. I actually had not even thought about this. Thank you. I know one family friend of my mom’s. They’re someone I could maybe talk to, it’s just that I’m so severely anxious to approach anyone. I will try.

I got so thirsty I just gave in and drank it. And when I didn’t die, I decided, screw it. The water paranoia is not always present, but if it is around for too long, what I have done is boiled the water and drank it hot. I think a water filter could be a good investment for this. Thank you for the suggestion. And I’m sorry this was such a heavy post. Thank you for your response. Yes, it’s been a wild ride on the crazy train. I don’t recommend this ride, I give the crazy train one star review.

I’m sorry this got so heavy. It’s been a lot this month. Stupid brain not working. Yes, absolutely. A vegetable and a walk can help, there’s no denying that. It won’t cure it, the disorder I have called schizoaffective disorder, but it’s still better than nothing. I got some red peppers and a glass of water. All set.

Thank you. Yes, I haven’t completely given up hope. I know this post was extremely heavy and uh, I was having a moment. I have schizoaffective disorder that runs in the family and it’s been kicking my ass recently. Which is also why it took me a whole week to even look at the other responses. I think I might post on Lemmy what I’ve learned about this mental disorder. Even though it’s been hell to endure, having knowledge about the enemy in my head has given back to me some power. There are a few good neuroscience videos on the how and why of psychotic spectrum disorders like schizophrenia and schizoaffective.

I support your journey wherever it takes you.

Everything has a double meaning now but can’t deny I love a good poem. Thank you.

I’m saving it.

Sure it did. Kidding.

Yes. I read about that. It feels like we’ve been left to rot. Maybe we have.

I’m not a good person either. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.

I heard someone say recently “I don’t believe in good or evil. I believe in kindness.” I am still trying to detangle myself from the idea of being good. Good is subjective.

We just have to be kind to ourselves, to others. And it’s okay to mess up. We are on this earth indefinitely. This isn’t a video game. We have endless opportunities to try again.

Not good, Bob. ._. If you are still a young whippersnapper, take care of your mental health, don’t be like me and let it get worse. This just snuck up on me. Now I can barely leave the house and electronic devices scare me. I am completely serious.

I have been using my journals to vent about things. I also use the journal to write ideas down that pop up at random moments. I have two more blank books for writing story scraps. Sometimes though in my main journal, I mentally wander off and daydream on the page. Yesterday I was feeling sick. I have been dealing with a chronic illness for the last year or so. On the page I started daydreaming and was thinking about how hilarious and messed up it was that consumption/tuberculosis was seen as a “sexy” illness way back in the day, especially between the Regency and Victorian era. I drew a nonspecific character in their sick bed, with dudes in suits around them professing their love and admiration. “Ooh damn girl, you’re gorgeous.” The sick person is like “Whut? Bro I haven’t had strength to even bathe myself. I am marinating in my filth.” They ignore them and are painting the dying sick person and writing in their book tearfully saying “So beautiful. The inevitable poetry of decay!” The painter says “I must paint this fleeting beauty” while sick person is wheezing “Send help…water…laudanum…”. So in other words nothing happened today cause I was too out of it, but I entertained myself with some silly drawings. :P

…deep breaths meow :3

Oh yeah that is true. But that’s like work yelling, not the same as Dad yelling at kid if they drop something. Hehe.

I’m in Canada and this reminded me of my Grandma’s place, waking up in the morning to see the mist on the lake. I miss that.

Ah cool. Thank you! I love reading about interesting people from back in the day. If I may offer another one, I stumbled on this musician and went down a small rabbit hole learning about him. His stage name was Street Singer Arthur Tracy, and he performed vaudeville acts, which eventually made it onto the radio. I’ll post the wiki link here. I listened to his music on the Internet Archive. You can find all his music there.

I thought it was cool how he was involved in what was becoming a dying art. I came to understand he was fairly popular with the female audiences.

Alright, have a good day. 😊

Yes, I love biopics about interesting people. If I may offer another one, there is a lady on Youtube named Kaz Rowe, and a fella named Matt Baume who cover interesting historical figures. Matt Baume did a video on John Waters that I truly think improved my mental health, and Kaz Rowe did an awesome video on Eartha Kitt. I will post the links here.