Extrovert with social anxiety, maker, artist, gamer, activist, queer af, adhd space cadet, stoner

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Joined 9 months ago
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Cake day: March 5th, 2024

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  • Most of all, lonely. My situation is rough. I’m a trans woman (some passing privilege), almost 40, and staying with center-right family in East Texas because I haven’t been able to work in two years due to mental illness. I have a very difficult time making and keep friends and the family I’m staying with doesn’t understand why I’m upset, doesn’t care, and think I’m overreacting (They are superficially supportive about me being trans, but also voted for this). I was going to therapy for a while, but I had to discontinue it because I couldn’t afford it any more. The only thing keeping me going is that for the last few years I’ve been able to feel more comfortable in my own skin, thanks to HRT.

    I really don’t want to go through whatever the Republicans have in store for trans people in red states alone. The thing I am most afraid of is them banning HRT for adults (it’s already banned for kids). I’ve been on e since 2018. If everything were going great for me losing access to my medication would be a horrifying and soul crushing ordeal, I doubt I’ll survive it with how my life is now.

    This last week I’ve been almost completely non-functional. I’ve been alternating between uncontrollable sobbing, hours long panic attacks, furious rage, and making half-crazed, poorly thought out Lemmy and Reddit comments.

    tl;dr: not great.





  • I was tested as a child and had an iq of 164 at 10 years old. For my entire childhood every adult treated me like I was smarter than them and in most cases I was. I was in gifted and accelerated classes and excelled.

    I know I’m not smart because from the headstart in life I got I went on to barely graduate from high school, drop out of community college twice, never hold a job for longer than 18 months, and have more gaps on my resume than experience.


  • Perfection is exhausting. I struggle with it. My brain tells me that if I’m not the perfect friend or know the right things no one will like me. It has consumed my life so far and has lead me to make very bad and disastrous choices.

    More than that though, it’s boring. I am so tired of spending my life trying to figure out what the right action is. I would much rather have fun with friends or rewarding sex or find an interesting personal project to work on.


  • In real terms, we still have a lot left to lose before things get so bad it’s time to take up arms. The left is losing because it has spent all of its time responding to what the right has been doing and not enough time working towards the things their constituents want.

    It is time to organize and get directly involved if you care about keeping things from getting worse. I can’t say this with any authority but there are three problems we have to solve:

    1. How can we reestablish a common reality with our neighbors? (Mis- and disinformation)
    2. How can we pull our neighbors back from the influence of fascists?
    3. How can we ensure that our children inherit better than what we have now and are about to go through?

    The fight will come later, and it will come. Right now we have to prioritize supporting each other. We’re on our own for at least the next two years, we need to get creative and find ways to thrive in spite of the bullshit.





  • To be fair he hadn’t outed himself as a racist asshat in 2016. He was just a narcissist I thought was funnier than Trump.

    As to your point about my inaction contributing to more dead in Gaza, I am indifferent. Any blood on our hands in Gaza is unacceptable. Had Kamala been chosen in a primary I might have considered voting for her as a compromise candidate, but having her foisted on us after the other compromise candidate was too stubborn to step down before he got in the way is bullshit.

    Gaza was what OP asked about, but it’s definitely not the only thing I care about at the polls. The main reason I decided not to vote at all is because the will of the people is not reflected by any politicians. There are a dozen issues most Americans agree on (legal weed, minimum wage) that our current politicians won’t address because they are at odds with donors. I decided it wasn’t worth participating in the political system again until our elected officials do what we want instead of their donors.

    If the oligarchy wants to take over officially I can’t stop them, but I don’t have to participate either.