No not as an insult. Just I got called it and I just said it back as I said no hard r. I was intoxicated and going through some mental health shit. I’m admitting it to prove a point that it’s very different when you say shit online then when you say it in real life, I would could of been hurt and would of deserved it as well but I talked to the guy I said it to and it turned out ok. I also didn’t monetise me using the word to an audience of prepubescent children.
Because it is different and I’m not saying what I did was ok. I’m using it as an example of problematic behaviour that I exhibited in the real world. I’m not proud of what I did but I also can’t change the past. I could also be a coward and pretend I’m some kind of saint which I’m not. I’m not defending my what I did I’m also not defending people using the n word. As I said it’s something I did and something I knew was wrong the second I did it but as I said earlier I was ready to accept the social consequences of what I said to somebody.
Anyways I used the story of some very bad behaviour I engaged in as an anecdote to show that when people act shitty in real life there are actual consequences mainly the possibility of getting punched. The person I said it to and his friends decided not to beat the shit out of me and I’m greatful for that because I would of deserved it.
I don’t go around using the n word and I have no idea why the fuck I said it but yeah two days of drinking not sleeping will do weird shit to your brain.