I did all the things. Transitioned. Quit opioids and cigarettes. Went back to school. Got discriminated against and persevered. Quit my last job because of anti LGBT policy and got my dream job.
Oh, and I did all that since 2020.
And it’s a nightmare. I’m isolated. No support, and I found out today my coworkers hate me and think I’m trash.
I don’t know what to do. Go back to school? It’s just going to be more of the same. In the last five years, I achieved more than I ever thought I could. And I’ve never been more alone or miserable than I am right now.
I’m tired of living in a world that doesn’t want me, that I’ll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I’m never going to be good enough.
So what’s the point?
Who do you need to be good enough to? You are good enough as you are. If you want to change/improve anything about yourself, do it because you want to. Check if you can find support groups and/meetups in your area. Maybe try volunteering at places where they don’t care about things like this. Don’t get these things get to your head. You don’t have to pretend everything is great. You can choose to ignore these things and seek more fulfilling things that go beyond your physical characteristics.
Anyone. It isn’t about my physical characteristics. I just want to help people and instead I just get ridiculed and critiqued. I’m tired of being alone and sad. My cat is the only reason I haven’t killed myself, and I don’t know how much longer he can hold that dam.
First I want to say I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I know we’re just internet strangers, but we care; I care. I went through a really bad year about one year ago, the cat thing hits hard, I was exactly there.
Please consider talking to someone professional, and if you aren’t ready (it took me months to finally make an appointment) take care of yourself as much as you can in the meantime. I only did about 12 weeks over the phone (and it was surprisingly affordable, if that factors for you). CBT really helped me deal with a lot of the same issues, I was looking to please everyone, but myself.
Talking through and challenging some of the really toxic beliefs I had, especially around if I’m important, helped so much. I’m living my best life and finding my joy for me, and it’s starting to snowball into a full blown social life. I struggled so much with the “what’s the point” question, and wasn’t even sure if I had an answer after my last session, but I’m living the answer now and I’m so thankful for my cat.
What I have found is that when the whole world seems and feels to hate/ridicule you, all you need is a few people who love/accept you in your life to begin with. I would sincerely advise you to seek out these people in real, daily life. Places like https://foodatfirst.com/ in your city/state, where you can go volunteer and they would welcome you. Or find a new hobby and visit some hobby related places, like a board game cafe or something similar. One thing to remember is that the mind can spiral if left on a particular thought alone for a long while, so please find activities/people that help you divert your thoughts and attention in a different, healthy, direction.
I stumbled here from browsing all, and want to be open that I’m a cisgender male; I don’t want to come off like I’m misrepresenting myself.
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the adversity and prejudice you’ve experienced… it’s heartbreaking…
As others have said, you have many accomplishments to be proud of. I think it’s impressive. Even if you’re feeling weak, you clearly aren’t a weak person to have accomplished what you have, let alone in the face of adversity.
I’ve just gone back to school to work on my counseling masters, and my professor tonight was drilling home the essential need for a sense of community and support. If there are relevant support groups near you, I would highly encourage you to join one. The fact that you’re posting here is great.
I don’t know you, but I care about you. You say you feel like giving up, and that can mean many different things. Sometimes that means giving up on living, and I want to share these international resources with you (and everyone else here) if you ever feel like taking your life.
I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like for you or others in this community. But I sincerely empathize with you and I wish I could be there for you. If you are in the US, there are warm lines in many states that have individuals trained to be supportive listeners. Here is NAMI’s helpline directory.
I understand I’m out of my element and that this may come off as out of touch and like putting a band-aid on a bullet hole. But my heart genuinely goes out to you because I can feel pain in reading your post, and this is the only way I know how to help.
I really hope you don’t give up. I mean that as sincerely as I can be. You sound like a determined, strong and tenacious person to have done everything you have. I hope I can be that strong and accomplished.
I think you’re awesome, your parents were wrong and your coworkers are a bunch of hateful idiots.
Keep strong, focus on the good things and on yourself and regards to your car!
Your typo gave me the mental image of my cat as an autobot. 10/10
Oh lol
Sounds like you have a lot to celebrate actually.
You’ve mentioned your accomplishments, they’re something to be proud of.
But one of the hardest things in life to learn and accept is that we each have to be enough for ourselves, regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does. I also struggle with this, but I’ve seen the truth of it.
Even if the whole world was against you (but we’re not). The instant you base your worth on the opinions of others, you are setting yourself up to fail. Sometimes they’ll love you, sometimes they’ll hate you, mostly they will be indifferent. Is that where you want to be?
That’s not to say you should go through life alone. You absolutely need a strong support network – like all persecuted minorities, we need allies. That sounds like the final missing piece for you. First take a moment to recognize and appreciate allies you might already have, don’t forget them in despair; and then work on expanding your network.
As for the toxic people in your life, don’t give them the pleasure of bringing you down. Rise above and eclipse them, you got this <3
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I’m tired of living in a world that doesn’t want me, that I’ll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I’m never going to be good enough.
Here in the States, I’ve discovered it’s more that society isn’t good enough for us. Our teachers, ministers, officials and yes, even our care providers expect us to give 110% and fix ourselves from within and be categorically useful while still half-assing their own jobs and providing poor service, themselves.
I deal with suicidality daily, and the Trump years and since have been just shitty all around. At the end of 2016, the general sentiment for the new year was It can’t get worse. 2017 said hold my beer and then gawked at awe at 2018.
Then the epidemic and lockdown happened, and I’m struggling to get professional care, myself. And in a holding pattern until I do.
Right now, my effort is to check in with my peers, and remind them they aren’t failing in a harsh society, rather the society is failing, and is not even providing consistent standards we might strive for. It’s why the alt-right and Christian nationalists are gleeful to leave the rest of us to the elements in desperation to find a place to fit in.
You are beautiful and and valid and worth more than the crap this society spews out like so much industrial soot. You deserve so much more than the dystopian late-capitalist hellhole we live in. And there are others out there, also deserving, who wonder if it’s all their own fault.
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You did so well, and I’m really proud of you. I don’t know how you can change your situation. There are people out there who are able to see and appreciate your achievements but I get that it’s really hard to find them. Tbh most people suck but you are awesome and deserving of love ❤️
💛
I’ve been sober since 2020 as well. Addiction and recovery are under-discussed aspects of trans experience that can be very isolating. I don’t have any clear answers to offer, life is complicated and finding a reason to live it is hard and there’s no manual. I just empathize with feeling that way and want you to know you’re not alone and it is possible to heal. Be patient with yourself. Focus on your day to day life, on your routine and meeting your own needs. And it is worth it to talk to someone professional. They’ll be able to offer a lot more help.
There’s not so much that some stranger on the internet can say that you don’t already know.
Professional help to work through feelings of inadequacy might be useful if you can swing it. As I’m sure you’re aware you are probably holding yourself to expectations you wouldn’t dream of inflicting on others, someone/someone’s did that to you and it’ll take work to undo it.
Life has brutual periods, and softer ones. Nothing’s over till the end and there’s a lot of beautiful things even amongst all the hardship. I have found Albert Camus’s thoughts/absurdism in general useful for contextualising suffering and understanding why I want to continue personally, maybe you would too?
Existentialism, and Camus in particular have a lot of influence in my thought patterns. But to Camus, love was one of the central pillars of deriving meaning from nothingness.
And I don’t have that.
In fact, I have significantly less love than before.
I have people that say they care, and in the moment, they mean that. But at the end of the day, I don’t matter enough to check in on, unless I warn them.
I just thought for the first time in my life I would be celebrated and appreciated for who I am.
But the reality is, no matter how much they front or posture, the “normals” will never accept me.
I could offer them salvation on a silver platter, and still be met with disdain.
So, again, what’s the point? What’s the point in trying?
I can’t answer that for you, I see your pain and wish there was some magical incantation I could write down that would ease it but there isn’t.
I have gone through very lonely periods, and less lonely periods, and for now my wife, the dogs I’ve taken in, my sisters, and my niece are enough for me.
I don’t know what’s in your possible futures, all I can say is it’s probably less dire than the visions of doom and hopelessness that accompany moments of crisis.
Volunteering at animal sanctuaries can be a good way to get some low pressure social contact and physical affection (albeit from non humans) when there aren’t humans we can rely on.
If your parents say “you’re not good enough”, that’s emotional speech.
And emotional speech says more about the speaker than anything else.
To parents that don’t think their kids were good enough: skill issue.
Edit: I meant that parents who expect so much from their kids suck at parenting. To be a skilled parent, you can’t let children not living up to your expectations bother you. Getting mad at them for being inadequate won’t make them more adequate in any sense.
No, because then they increase pressure on the education of the next generation.
So much to unpack here…
First off your reason and point will be different than mine, and different than most other peoples. Truthfully you are the only person who can define what the point is for you.
So… that said, it sucks because when you are depressed and struggling defining your own reason for being is very difficult. In the last year I have had a struggle with myself over my value, I have frequently felt like nothing I do is good enough for my co-workers, partner, or friends. I have felt like even when I get a win, its wiped off the table by a loss and the losses never get wiped from the table so they just keep building.
So, I got a new therapist who specializes in trauma, because all trauma is trauma. Your body cannot tell the difference between a gun shot wound, and people talking harshly about you behind your back but within ear shot. It reacts the same, and releases the same chemicals. If your body is depressed, and hurting then that is where I would start. There are no degrees to trauma, and no ones trauma means more or hurts more because its all the same.
You have clearly gone through some challenging times and have moved mountains to support yourself and who you are, and it sounds like you may have a few physical and emotional scars from that journey.
For right now set aside the big question of what is the point, find someone to help you heal the scars, and then when you are centered and ready ask the question… I bet by then you will realize that you always knew the answer but you just could not hear it internally over all the pain and struggle.
cis white male who is proud of you for reaching out even if its “just” on lemmy. Your friends and allies are out there, try to get help its worth it. If life was bingo my card would look like a winner (and it honestly is) but trauma is the same for everyone and mine is/was as real as yours is, and it had me in a similar place asking the same questions. Therapy and some chemical support have turned things around in the last 3 months, but its been a 40 year journey.
Thank you
You can do this, depression is a hole, it sucks, but it is NOT forever even for the clinically depressed like myself. CBT and Trauma specialization can go a very long way, take time, be mindful of yourself and focus on self care, you will find your way out.
You are more than what the worst people in your life see you as.
Everybody else has said the obvious about therapy and support, so, have a little more sympathy instead of more of the same advice. I know what it feels like to never feel good enough. It sucks like there aren’t even words for, and I’m sorry you’re going through that.
Have a hug from an Internet friend, and remember it’s not your fault. You did everything right, and meanwhile the world went and got worse.
Work doesn’t define you, and coworkers don’t have to be friends. Work is what you do to fund your real life. Coworkers are people you tolerate as briefly as possible and forget about as soon as you can. If you’re not getting paid, they can see themselves out of your mind entirely.
Hey friend. More CIS love. Wanna play some games on steam some time and talk it out on disc?
You’re worthy of friendship. You could have some great friends. Probably not gonna meet them at work. I can’t give much advice, I’m pre-HRT, pre-work and education, looking at a similar path that you have taken and hoping I can achieve the things you’ve achieved. Take it easy on yourself, look what all you’ve done and find people you can relate to and whose company is a gift to yourself.
I’ve maybe felt what you’ve felt in the past. Still feel it a bit now, but much less so. Finding community you feel very confident supports you is hard. It’s tough to have faith it can be found when you’ve only ever ended up let down by the people you’ve surrounded yourself with.
It’s kind of random, but rock climbing helped me so much with that. If you’ve got a local gym and you’re in the US, there’s a decent chance it has an LGBTQ+ meetup. Queer climbers are, in my experience, some of the most accepting, diverse, helpful, inclusive people on the planet. Cheering for anyone of any shape, size, and climbing ability just because they are on the wall challenging themselves. Some climbing gyms definitely can have some bad (particularly toxic masculine) vibes, but if you pick your day/time right you can often dodge the gym bros. Most gyms have youth and adult classes and generally the hardcore members avoid these times, so honestly it can be worth going at those times, plus you can conveniently “overhear” instructors to pick up some advice.
My gym is my chosen family at this point. I now coach there and I’m helping foster a space a bunch of baby gays come climb in and they get to see real life queer people having lives past the age of 20.
It’s seriously a beautiful place.
