FauxPseudo
I offer absurdist edits of absurdist Heathcliff comics and c/keeptrack of absurdist government.
- 559 Posts
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FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldOPMto Heathcliff@lemmy.world•Heathcliff without Heathcliff 5/17/2025English2·15 hours ago
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Google's AI now listens to your English language phone conversationsEnglish2·15 hours agoBuddddiey
But, yet, the guy set up next to the railroad crossing 138 miles from the coast† has fresh shrimp available for almost nothing…
† not a coast known for its seafood
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Google's AI now listens to your English language phone conversationsEnglish4·23 hours agoAlways read the fine print.
These are definitely not cherry tomatoes, but close enough.
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Google's AI now listens to your English language phone conversationsEnglish14·24 hours agoIn plain English this means
Me “Have you checked for eggs recently? I just saw a bunch in the nesting boxes. Too many for one day.” Wife “Yeah, it’s been a while. Even Rose [the duck], who hasn’t laid an egg in five years, probably laid one.” Me “I haven’t seen our special needs cat, the one we trapped as part of a TNR run on our own property, in the last 12 hours. Have you seen that blessed dumb beast who walks like he is drunk? If you see him now could you bring him inside?”
Any sufficiently developed culture has its own language. In this house we go out of our way to make obtuse inside joke references to keep each other on our toes.
Add it up. Feta: $5.64 Red onion: 80¢ Red bell pepper: $1.68 Green bell pepper: 68¢ Chicken thighs: $5.60 Cucumbers: $2.11 Tiny tomatoes: $1.98 Olive oil: 30¢ Lemons: 28¢ Oregano: 5¢ Red wine vinegar: 10¢ Garlic, pepper, homemade Greek seasoning mix for the chicken, more olive oil for the baked Chicken, etc.
Go ahead. Go figure out the cost for every single item and divide it by the two people I’m cooking for. Show your work. Make sure to use Lancaster South Carolina prices instead of whatever European country you are buying in. I’ll wait.
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldto World News@lemmy.world•Almost 300m people at risk of death through starvation – reportEnglish1·1 day agoSeems kinda low. But that’s just me living in America looking around at supply chains, government policy and <waves hand>. And that’s before some disturbed person set the fabric section of our Walmart on fire resulting in … Well …
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Google's AI now listens to your English language phone conversationsEnglish13·1 day agoOr at least not in conversational English. Me “The cheese is old and moldy.” Wife “Roses eggs” Me “Bach unaccounted.”
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Google's AI now listens to your English language phone conversationsEnglish54·1 day agoJokes on them. I don’t have phone conversations
Lol. Not here. I live in the country. Farmers markets charge full retail because it’s all fresh and local branding. They either have it fresh and local or they don’t have it to sell.
However, if I want to buy in bulk things change. When it comes time to can up tomato soup I’ll be able to get 40 pounds of tomatoes for a fifty cents or less a pound.
In another month everything here will be in season in this area. And the price will be exactly the same. It’s weird living in an industrial society where stuff flown in from 5,000 kilometers away is the same cost as stuff grown 5 miles away. Year round.
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldOPMto Heathcliff@lemmy.world•Heathcliff without Heathcliff 5/16/2025English6·2 days ago
FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldOPMto Heathcliff@lemmy.world•Heathcliff without Heathcliff 5/15/2025English3·3 days ago
She has a history of kidney stones. Spinach rich is a no go.
I’m just going to quote myself from last night on Bluesky from a completely unrelated post.
Same for cast iron. If you have a proper cure on there you will get zero iron.
“not possible to meet the number of people that want to see us” has the same energy as “it’s not possible for you to meet my girlfriend because she lives in Canada.”