Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles

I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.

But not from Tennessee.

🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let’s get to together and touch together our peepees🎶

I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

!so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

We all know the answer to this. Alfred keeps a large supply of BatCoke for him in the Bat Cave

Can I know what that religion is?

I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”

I once had a conversation with a cashier in TN that started with a newspaper by check out saying something about remembrance day in England. I explained it’s basically like their version of Memorial Day. It ended with me having to explain what Europe is. A super abridged synopsis:

Me: It’s basically their version of Memorial Day.

Her: why do they need a different version?

Me: they’re a different country, different laws.

Her: it’s not really a different country if you can drive to it

Me:… What

Her: I mean, it’s basically just the same country

Me: you cannot drive to England.

Her: you can’t?

Me: it’s an island.

Her: I thought it was Europe?

Me: you also cannot drive to Europe.

I then had to explain what Europe was, how England is Europe in the same way Puerto Rico is North America. I shouldn’t have included that. Or tried to explain armistice day. It was a very long conversation that ended up going outside during her smoke break.

She was the second grown adult I had to explain Europe to. Tennessee has failed it’s children, y’all. I’m not being funny, and contrary to OP’s premise, I don’t really judge them for this. I judge the state and the school system. It’s bad.

If someone is cleaning a floor and I have to walk over it, they’re getting several sorrys and at least 2 thank yous, while I do that shrink my body to the side and putting my palms out towards them like a peasant not trying to be whipped by a landed gentry.

I’ve mopped professionally. It sucks.

I thought so! When I saw this my first thought was “wait, isn’t that the one I used to use several years ago?”

Yeah, it is. Ended up not being compatible on a new phone is why I switched, I think…forgot about it after.

Hey, sorry I haven’t replied. I switched to a different account (@dharmacurious@slrpnk.net) and haven’t checked this one.

I’ve been doing a lot of sewing. Mainly dog toys and pillows for making life a little more comfy :)

Me. I would love to be a third shift librarian.

I’m not gonna lie, I straight up love taco bell. I avoided it for years and years because of the stereotype about it making you sick or being cheap and gross. Then I was out a few years ago and had 2 dollars in change and an empty belly. That shit was good and no stomach upset. It’s now my go to fast food, especially considering it’s easy as hell to get veggie options.

Also, gas/bloat is not specific to taco bell, it’s fucking beans. Eat anything with beans and you’re gonna get gassy. Not directed specifically at you, just anyone who needs to hear this.

Generally, you should use a cloth tape measure to measure dick. There are instructions online if you look.

Also, 8 inches to the hilt is often not pleasant, so work with your partner and learn how deep your sigmoid colon is, and take it slow. Big ol’ dick slamming into a wall is not fun unless you are very particularly into it.

Thanks! That dust on the floor I’m guessing is basically poison, lye and the ashes from other offerings. That’s wild.

Is there a verse specific to when life begins? I’ve read that it’s upon drawing breath, but that’s the part I haven’t been able to find.

I imagine it was probably larger before it was… Dried out.

Also, 8 inches by 2 inches is pretty fucking large. I say this as someone who has had 8 inches back there.

Link?

Ooh, you don’t happen to know a verse for this, do you? I’ve heard this before and tried to Google it, but my Google fu is lacking and I just end up finding right wing nut job websites.

Honestly one of my favorite jokes. I love the stupid horse into a bar format, the misdirect that it’s going to be a deep philosophical joke, and the reveal reveal of a dad level pun.

I actually just used this a couple weeks ago in a discussion post for college.