I’m asking as I’m trying to understand empathy and whether it’s normal to get so invested in fake characters, I mean it’s probably a testament to the writers but I overthink… a lot.
This question was bright on as I’ve been catching up on The Blacklist and at lunch today watching Season 8 Episode name “Anne “ and it wrecked me.
Tap for spoiler
Basically the main character Red has to live a guarded life and for once he let it form and got close to Anne and you could tell shit was going to go downhill and it destroyed me when you think about it from his or her perspective.
For reference I’m 41 year old dude, not that it matters.
Edit: Bedtime for me but back tomorrow to reply to all.
Edit 2: I’ve got 41 comments to respond to. Currently working but I’ll be back y’all.
I’ve only cried at Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Used to be I never cried at anything. Ever. Then I started watching the saddest shows I could find specifically for the purpose of making me cry because I figured that wasn’t healthy. Now I’m a total crybaby and I gotta admit, I’m happier for it.
I used to be a massive weeb so most of my sad moments are from anime, but if you really want to bawl your eyes out, Violet Evergarden and A Silent Voice are my two go to picks for when I want to absolutely destroy myself.
Yup, all the time. To give an example, yesterday I watched DC League of Super Pets with my child and cried quite a lot at one bit (if you’ve seen it, you probably know which bit). It’s a solid movie overall too - great voice cast.
It’s not unusual for me to cry when reading or listening to the news.
I’m 41 too, but a woman.
Yep. I’m a reasonably masculine-presenting guy and most good movies or shows will make me tear up at some point, it’s a standard occurrence if the story has grabbed me in any satisfying way and brought me on the resulting emotional highs and/or lows.
We joke around about it in my household because my wife is a mostly femme-presenting woman, but she generally doesn’t tear up at films or shows while I’m next to her having what old stereotypes would say is the girly reaction. It’s not that she isn’t experiencing the story as fully or anything, she can be enjoying something just as much as I and the emotional reaction just affects us differently because (gasp!) we’re two different people.
I rarely cried when watching shows of movies for most of my life… then I started transitioning and taking estrogen. Now I cry so easily it feels like a joke. But I love it.
Me, alot actually. If your movie made me feel nothing it probably sucked. If it actually managed to make me cry it’s probably a pretty good movie.
Very rarely, but I have a few times.
C’mon C’mon starring Joaquin Phoenix and a 12 year old kid made my ball my eyes out.
Yup, i do this too - my personal highlight was crying at … Wall-e, when he thinks that Eve died.
I’m over 40, and this started 10 or 15 years ago, when i started to go to therapy a lot more.
But i think it’s great to be able to live and feel with imaginary characters, and a sign of empathy.
I cried reading about Opportunity. Not losing one or the lack thereof.
The Mars Rover.
Also the Wikipedia article on the Miracle on the Hudson. No I haven’t seen the Tom Hanks movie nor do I plan to unless I really need an ugly cry.
I don’t usually cry during movies. But sometimes later when I’m thinking about it I let out a tear or two. Also I cried during a voyager documentary
Yeah buddy, it’s normal to feel your feelings.
I wouldn’t say it’s normal but it definitifly should be.
I guess I grew up with people without feelings as when I raised with this my closest friends (5), none of them admitted to it. I know they could lie but I also don’t know how invested they get in to media.
They might be, they might not be. It’s entirely possible that they don’t interact with any media that contains emotions past shooting a gun. I’ve cried to music, movies, and books. Art (paintings, sculptures, etc) I’ve never had that reaction.
I think you’re on to something about them not really focusing on the same kind of media I gravitate towards, complex characters with a moral grey area.
Trying to think if I’ve cried over a book, the most emotional I can recall is the Steig Larsson millennium trilogy, but not sure if I cried was more psyched up for the story.
Art. Never, music lyrics yes but not musical pieces like classical which I listen to a lot. Going to try opera soon so maybe there. I can see people crying at art but I don’t think I understand art enough to even get to that level of emotional connection.
I mean this really speaks to the power of the human mind. We can put ourselves into someone else’s shoes and experience what they’re feeling. No other animal can do that that we can 100% prove. Enjoy that you have the ability to care for someone from finding out their story. It’s a good and proper skill to have.
Thanks, this is what I was hoping to touch on. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even if that person is a terrible person I find it fascinating that we can still have some empathy for their predicament even if it’s kinda deserved.
Makes me wonder if it’s a scale sort of thing where some people are balling theirs out and another is untouched. Then how does this translate to real life? Like is that why my friends can’t understand why I would spend my time on Pro-Palestine matches for instance, is it a lack of empathy.
Apologies, for being deep on bloody Lemmy.
Yeah, empathy is a very underrated and powerful emotion for us humans. It’s also one of the few emotions that can be learned, practiced, and improved (for most people).
I usually feel like an exposed nerve when I’m watching something even a little emotional, so I cry pretty hard. Sometimes I even find myself properly sobbing. But almost without exception I feel better afterwards, like I’ve purged something nasty from my body. I love that post-cry feeling.
I’d say someone who doesn’t understand why you go to Pro-Palestine marches probably has an empathy deficiency (if they’re even remotely aware of what’s going on in Palestine). But that’s a great opportunity to invite them to improve their own sense of empathy by joining you, or having an open-minded and genuine conversation with a Palestinian about their personal experiences (or watching an interview if they don’t know anyone personally). I find hearing about someone’s experiences living with atrocities happening all around them, in their own voice, should quickly dig up nearly anyone’s latent empathy. But it takes work for those who it doesn’t come to naturally, and those are the people who are probably least likely to put in the work.
That’s a good point about feeling better after crying, I wonder what is happening physiologically. I assume endorphins, dopamine, or serotonin are releases.
To your point about friends and Palestine, I think you’re correct and I will recommend them to watch The Settlers documentary by Louis Theroux.
I think also there can be a sense of loss when you’re invested in some characters and they die off in a show or the series ends. It doesn’t seem weird at all to get a bit emotional unless we’re talking about something like Jersey Shore or other reality garbage, but even then that’s just my personal taste so I shouldn’t judge others who might get invested in stuff like that.
I’m a dude in his 40s. If anything, I’ve gotten more empathetic and easily moved over the years. I have cried at movies and over books.
Same. For the longest time I was made to believe that crying in front of people was weak. Especially, when those tears came from entertainment. Then I watched Schindler’s List and bawled like a fucking baby at the end when…
Tap for spoiler
Schindler starts pointing out all the possessions he still had, which he could have bartered to save more Jews and the overwhelming support from the ones he did save comforting him.
It fundamentally changed who I was and what I was willing to show emotion for, especially empathy. I found that any movie based on actual events, that ended tragically, would illicit a similar response.
It was only after years of therapy and the support of wonderful people in my life that I learned to feel that deeply for any media with resonating characters. Elon said empathy is a human weakness, but he’s never been so wrong. It’s the only thing that binds us together.
TV shows and movies are art. Eliciting an emotional response is kind of art’s thing. Maybe not all art, but that’s neither here nor there.
I often tear up from scenes from movies and tv. Yet basically never do for anything in real life.
I was listening to an NPR story the other day about how a ton of people showed up to donate blood to save an infant, and only one was a match, but it was anonymous, now the kid is a healthy 20yr old and the mom can’t thank the person who saved them. It had my eyes all mushy on my commute home.
Yet, I had a cousin, and an uncle pass within the last few months and while I was sad, and I miss them, not a tear generated.
I’m the same way. My wife actually gives me shit for it because she doesn’t understand how I can’t have more feelings for those around me. I don’t think I’d shed a tear or even feel that emotional for anyone in my extended family dying. Just my wife and kids. Makes me question if there’s something wrong with me.
She can tell me some sad real life story and it doesn’t affect me. But movies, shows, books, and games can have me tear up or bawling.
Same here. When my grandfather, who I was very close with, passed away, I never cried. But I bawled like a baby at Toy Story 3.
I think it’s the soundtrack. If someone had told me about my grandfather while some emotional string music swelled, I probably would have cried.
Yea the bagpipes playing Amazing Grace gets me for some reason. If they played that at a funeral I might cry.
Probably due to how I grew up, I don’t often feel like it’s… right? Reasonable? for me to cry for personal things. But I can cry for others, for whatever reason. Showed my kids Pixar’s Up for the first time the other day, and we got to the scene near the end where Carl finds some of the messages his wife left him. My kids are still fairly young, and were trying to figure out what was going on in that scene. They also didn’t understand at first why my voice sounded so weird…
