Your way of doing things is now how things must be done. Extra points for petty and minor stuff.

  • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
    7·
    2 days ago
    1. Anything more than hushed conversation is banned on public transit (exceptions for children too little to be able to control it, developmentally disabled, etc.). You may answer the phone, quietly, to tell the person you cannot talk right this second and will phone them back from the next station
    2. Everywhere is accessible to the blind, those in wheelchairs, on crutches, etc.
    3. You will grow some of your own food as your space allows. If you have a tiny flat with one window? Grow some herbs or chives or something? Gotta big lawn? Now you have a garden. Those with small children will be left some room for them to play.
    4. Everyone wanting a driving license must drive a giant, slow truck and a small motorbike for several weeks. The tests everywhere in the US get harder and more demanding.
    5. You must use public transport in any case it is possible and practical (i.e I don’t expect you to try to take your haul from Ikea back on a train).
    6. You will generally only eat two meals a day and no more gluten (sorry; I didn’t want to inflict this on you nor did I want the gluten restriction on myself, but this is the only way my body works somewhat properly).
    7. Your mind’s eye and any audible inner monologue are now gone. It’s fine; enjoy the imagination and peace.
    8. You must live somewhere on roughly the other side of the planet from where you grew up (again, sorry to force you)
    9. You must live in at least one foreign country for no less than 3 months outside of a foreigner community and learn the language and culture (not at all sorry about this one).
    10. You must be in pain a lot of the time without docs being able to find anything useful. You must also have anxiety, ADHD, probable ASD, and overthink many things.

    I tried to answer the actual question rather than how I think things should be. I’m sure I’m missing something about my life. I guess you’d all have to work as software engineers who run a small farm most of the year, strictly speaking.

    • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
      41·
      2 days ago

      That really kinda shifts a problem. I can generally guess that at 10am whateverTime a business is going to be open or people are going to be awake to time my communications. This adds a step of having to look up … I guess the current daylight hours and/or normal business hours first? Who would maintain such a database?

      • Fenrisulfir@lemmy.ca
        1·
        1 day ago

        No it doesn’t only for the short term after conversion. I’m UTC -7. So instead of waking up at 0700 I wake up at 1400. The only thing that changes is the time on the clock. The sun still rises and sets as it usually does. If a business usually opens at 1000, now they open at 1700. So what? The business’ hours are still consistent day to day

        Not to mention this is how almost everything operates in the backend anyway. The military, logistic companies, aviation all do it but normal people can’t figure it out because they need their alarm clock to have the little am or pm to indicate if it’s morning or night

      • VonReposti@feddit.dk
        4·
        2 days ago

        Same people who’s maintaining it today. We need to look up business hours anyway on top of looking up time zones. E.g. business hours in Denmark is usually 8-16 while in UK it is usually 9-17. Here there’s furthermore differences at the usual company. IMO you’re inconsiderate if you start planning meetings without taking the business hours of the recipients into account (which means all our UK enployess are inconsiderate jerks on this topic, calling me in for meetings until 18:00…)

        So instead of looking up the time zone difference and the cultural business hours of a company in Australia, I can just see that they open after my lunch.

    • Nollij@sopuli.xyzEnglish
      15·
      3 days ago

      This could’ve been a delightful meta joke, and I was disappointed to see that it wasn’t.

  • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    782·
    3 days ago
    1. We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.

    You’re welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.

    1. Beer ain’t getting served without some sorta pickle.

    2. Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

    3. More ducks than chickens. Duck eggs are better, duck meat is better, duck fat is better than schmaltz

    4. It’s now so wildly normal for men to wear crop tops

    You’re fucking welcome

    1. You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
    • tal@lemmy.todayEnglish
      21·
      3 days ago

      Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations

      And this was how TheAlbatross’s Labrador became fluent in Croatian.

    • Grunt4019@lemm.ee
      15·
      3 days ago
      1. You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.

      I wonder how fast they would start allowing work from home again.

      • untorquer@lemmy.world
        4·
        3 days ago

        Not that fast really. It’s pretty common in europe if you can ride a train and work en route. I’ve even seen people compensated for driving time & gas.

    • KSP Atlas@sopuli.xyz
      2·
      2 days ago

      The foreign language trick doesn’t work, turns out dogs can pick up words from various languages

      • TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        1·
        2 days ago

        It’s worked historically for me with cats and dogs specifically around food. I don’t use it for “stay, sit, halt” commands though since I think it’s useful if other people can issue those commands to a dog without knowing, in my house, Yiddish.

    • shyguyblue@lemmy.worldEnglish
      8·
      3 days ago

      1. I love garlic stuffed olives, but have to eat them with chopsticks to slow myself down.

      2. My dogs love Pupperonis (one letter away from pepperoni), but I call them puppereenies so they don’t go ape shit when discussing toppings…

      Edit: Swipe typing is getting worse every day, fixed auto assumptions…

    • thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org
      1·
      2 days ago

      funny about #6

      I have a interesting job, its all about the work and not so much about the time I spend doing the work even though I am technically an hourly employee.

      I leave my house at the same time every day but rarely do I make it to work at the same time. Thats the deal and nobody seems to care if I explain it that way.

      I also leverage native time… I will get to that when I get to it.

    • HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      2·
      3 days ago

      You fool! I eat chips by pushing the bottom of the bag, then grabbing one with my mouth. No utensils required.

  • davidgro@lemmy.world
    501·
    3 days ago

    I’ll go for a serious answer.

    When driving, particularly on freeways and highways, everyone must now leave a lot of space between them and the car ahead proportional to how fast they are going - even in heavy traffic. And they must allow a car that is signalling properly to merge into their lane. (But not like a bunch of cars at a time of course)

    Everyone must also start to decelerate as soon as they see brake lights ahead or notice slowing, but they have more space (starting further back in the road), so won’t have to decelerate as strongly as the car ahead is and will reach a higher minimum speed or be stopped for less time when the car ahead starts accelerating again.

    I believe this would mostly end stop-and-go traffic and smooth out all slow traffic (increasing fuel economy and reducing stress) by reducing/eliminating traffic waves. Probably even increase average speeds (but I’m less sure about that)

    • triptrapper@lemmy.world
      4·
      2 days ago

      Yes, for a long time I’ve said that traffic jams are caused by brake lights, rather than deceleration alone. If you leave enough space ahead of you, you shouldn’t have to touch your brakes very often, and letting off the gas should be enough.

    • gothic_lemons@lemmy.world
      6·
      3 days ago

      100000% this. I legit think we should run ad campaigns to educate drivers. It’s less stressful, easier on your brakes and your gas tank. If enough ppl did it I legit think it would have a decent little impact for the environment. Going from 0 to 30 to 40 mph, then quickly going back down to 0 has got to burn so much gas than just coasting between 10 and 20 the whole time

    • Lumidaub@feddit.org
      21·
      3 days ago

      I don’t have a license so I may not know wtf I’m talking about but I’m pretty sure where I live cars already have to keep a certain distance proportional to their speed. If they don’t and they crash into the car in front of them because the driver had to brake suddenly, the driver in the back is liable. We still get congestion and all that nonsense.

      • Albbi@lemmy.ca
        5·
        3 days ago

        There’s a big difference between what driver have to do, and what they actually do.

  • Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world
    9·
    2 days ago

    Everyone picks up a new random hobby every few months, spirals into self hatred about not being amazing at it with no practice or research, and adds another box of crap to the closet.

  • LordGimp@lemm.ee
    3·
    2 days ago

    Bananas are only be opened from the seed side. Heretics who open the stem side will be mummified in banana strings after being purged so that they will be reminded of their hubris eternally.

  • _cryptagion [he/him]@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    2·
    2 days ago

    pulling apart the bacon piece by piece to fry it.

    listen, you can just stick the whole brick of it into the pan, the heat from the skillet makes the bacon slices separate. you can cook the whole thing at once.

  • megane-kun@lemm.eeEnglish
    151·
    3 days ago

    Petty and minor, huh?

    • Dates are now YYYY-MM-DD (2025-02-25) for the short form, and dddd, YYYY mmmm DD (Tuesday, 2025 February 25) for the long form.

    • Time is now written in 24-hour notation (14:44:41)

    • The first paragraph in a section doesn’t have indentation, but all succeeding paragraphs do. For example:

      Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.  Vestibulum quis velit aliquet, accumsan eros id, tincidunt lorem.  Integer ac arcu elit.  Sed efficitur mi vitae viverra egestas.  Quisque sed varius nisi.  Vestibulum in cursus diam.  Ut pharetra quis nibh at semper.  Integer dictum leo eu velit condimentum, a varius mi tempor.  Sed at nunc lacinia, consequat eros sed, fringilla quam.  Proin pulvinar ante ac ipsum suscipit dictum.  In libero augue, tristique iaculis libero in, bibendum eleifend massa.  Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.  Suspendisse a risus non lacus pellentesque molestie congue non risus.  Quisque ut condimentum dui.

    Aenean dictum leo at commodo accumsan.  Vestibulum ullamcorper diam et arcu bibendum maximus.  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.  Suspendisse porta libero sed nisi aliquam volutpat.  Nam rutrum, odio quis ultricies blandit, elit metus pulvinar diam, non condimentum tellus arcu sed eros.  Praesent nunc tellus, aliquam vitae leo sed, pellentesque placerat ex.  Aenean tincidunt libero magna, sed sagittis neque facilisis id.  Vivamus quis lectus nunc.

    Donec lacinia, dolor sed eleifend volutpat, massa dui elementum risus, congue sagittis tortor sem sed neque.  Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas.  Pellentesque tempor risus arcu, a dapibus risus tristique in.  Ut sapien est, placerat ac lectus non, scelerisque feugiat nisi.  Nam nec luctus nibh.  Aenean id ultrices risus.  Phasellus magna enim, sodales sit amet nisi id, interdum interdum neque.  Sed scelerisque scelerisque lobortis.

    • There are two spaces after a full stop, except when occurring at the end of a paragraph where there should be none.

    • They will be used as a generic non-gendered pronoun and will be the default along with one. For example:

      • “Someone sent me an e-mail, but I am not sure they meant to send it to me.”
      • “Really, one should make sure the e-mail address is correct before sending an e-mail.”

    • Functions that are called in other functions will be declared before any function that calls them.

    • Functions should be around twenty lines long, and at most have three levels of nesting. Functions that are too long or have too much nesting should be revised and broken up into two or more functions.

    • Code indentation (tabs) should be set to four spaces.

    • Code will be formatted as follows.

      function (params) {
    // code
    }

    EDIT:

    Formatting

    • geogeogeo@lemmy.world
      7·
      2 days ago

      Ok I’m on board for a lot. But PARAGRAPH INDENTATION!? DOUBLE SPACES!? I can’t with your blasphemy.

    • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
      1·
      2 days ago

      Braces (and almost anything that is indented) should always end at the same column they start lest I feel like I’m physically off-balance and uneasy. First paragraph should be indented because it’s a paragraph and they’re indented. Otherwise, I agree.

    • Shardikprime@lemmy.world
      11·
      2 days ago

      Let’s see…

      Functions that are called in other functions will be declared before any function that calls them.

      Okay I can dig this. Let’s see-

      Code indentation (tabs) should be set to four spaces.

    • blackstrat@lemmy.fwgx.uk
      12·
      2 days ago

      I’m not with indenting paragraphs. And functions should be PascalCase with braces on new lines. Long parameter lists are indented as below and parameters and other variables are camelCase.

      public int MyFunction(int paramOne,
                                         int paramTwo)
{
    return paramOne + paramTwo;
}

      Otherwise a good list